Brocade

For creative writing we are required to write a "Brocade" every week. We are given two emotions and a picture in which to refer the emotions. Then, simply, we write about it. Here is my first one. After this I will include the picture. It was an old rusty bus sitting in tall weeds. The emotions were hope and love. Enjoy:

We had so much fun Tim and I. Every morning he would come out of his house at exactly 7:00, and begin his inspection. His hand would trail along my side as he made his way around me, looking for chips and scrapes in my paint, or cracks in my mirrors and lights. He'd give a gentle kick to each of my tires, and as he finished he would tap me on the hood and say, "Well, old girl, let's start our day." He would jump in and start me up. I would purr for him, showing my excitement to be back on the road. We would go about our day, picking up stranded citizens, and replacing them where they rightly belonged. This was the service Tim and I provided, and we both cherished it. We did this together for many years, Tim would come out of his house every morning and perform the same examination day in and day out, until one day he tapped me on the hood and said, "I don't know if I can use you anymore, old girl." Then drug me off and dumped me here, an elephant graveyard of "old girls" just like me. And here I sit, staring at the gate having faith that one day Tim will walk through them and say to me, "Well, old girl, let's start our day."

Happy Fucking Easter

Well...In true holiday fashion Easter came and went and I wish it just hadn't. Holidays are good if you have family or friends...Or at least friends who don't disappear on you and then tell you "It's nothing personal". Now, I can't lie and say I wasn't invited somewhere. I was...And the food would have been good, but why go and suffer through a bunch of assholes getting drunk and complaining about work for a good meal? Anyway, my day wasn't all that bad. I went and consoled myself the only real way any woman can...I went shopping. I found a lucky yenny (Yes, that's yenny.) on the way to the train station and went to the arcade and kicked ass on "Pop'n'Music" (The greatest game invented.) and Mario Kart and actually found clothes in that fit me...I found the ever coveted little black dress. You know the one I'm talking about. It is so cute and actually fits over my hips and is slimming and the whole deal. Next is the shoes...(More shopping opportunities!) So, today I'm going to Yokosuka to get my teeth evaluated for my wisdom tooth surgery. Eek! Not looking forward to that...Let me tell you. (Look for the blog entry about why I hate dentists!) And that's about it. I'm still trying to make my final decisions about where I'm going to actually settle when I get out of the Army. And yes!, I am getting out. For right now. Before anyone tells me..."You should really stay in." "It's hard to find a job." "You won't make as much money." try to be confident that I can actually make it on my own. It's not the end of the world. People start over all the time...It is never too late, and you never get to live if you stay where it's easy. Screw that. I'm not interested. It's all about the living people and I'll take the good and the bad with that.

New Blurb

I know I'm pathetic...and I shouldn't try to write while I should be getting ready for work...and I know I won't give you any info you really want to read, but at least I'm adding something to this almost dead blog...I'll take time tonight or tomorrow to fill everyone in on what has been happening to me. Like BJ coming to visit and getting out and so on and so forth. Be patient...I get off my ass eventually and take care of this blog like I said I would! LOL!

Yea for the Little Things!

So, this weekend was the first time I (and the band) has had a full four day weekend since I don't know when. It's interesting...I had forgotten how it felt to have four full days off. I remember in Germany going with Coop to Greiswald on a four day and or to Salzburg with him, Josh Simmons, and Dan Rashkin and also to Euro Disney and Paris with the whole gang. I can certainly say...Four day weekends are so much more fun while stationed in Germany! It was nice too, because even if you didn't go anywhere Mainz and Wiesbaden were so close! And even to go to the PX was fun because you were actually leaving the airfield. (They had a really nice book store with Cinnebon and lounge chairs too! I miss it!) And there was a movie theatre on base! They played really sucky movies, but you didn't have to go out to see a movie.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is: JAPAN SUCKS! It was great when I first got here, but uh! There is nothing on base for single soldiers. Unless you wanna get drunk and hang out with gross, annoying people. Everything else is so expensive! It takes forever to get anywhere! You have to walk to the train station and then the train, then walk again wherever your going. Even if you drive it takes your twenty minutes to go like five miles! And believe me, I'm not exaggerating. I love window shopping, but that's only when it's stuff I want, or can afford, or wear! Japan is definitely not the place for single American girls, but I've been through this before. Movies are $17! To play a game at the arcade is $1. I mean! Just to have fun will leave anyone broke!

However, the title of this entry is "Yea for the Little Things" so, I suppose I should move on to what the little things are. First, yea! For break ups! Seriously, I broke up this weekend with a guy that I have been separated from for a year and a half. I'm glad we finally went through the steps. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest and I can move on in relationships now. I won't have the thought of him hanging in the back of my brain. I do have to get ahold of him and let him know that I didn't really mean all the stuff about not talking to talk him any time soon. I think this time I really can move on and be friends, heck it's been that way for so long anyway!

Secondly, Yea! For hot chocolate! Have you ever seen anyone sad after they've had a hot cup of cocoa? Not likely. Especially not if you put in a shot of peppermint schnapps!

Three: Yea! For peace and quiet. I didn't do anything this weekend. Nothing socially anyway, and I'm happy. I can't say that I didn't have any bored or lonely moments, but oh...I needed a break and thankfully, I got it!

Four: Yea! For creativity. I love my talents. They don't make me any money, (actually they are quite expensive), but when I see one more round on a crocheted blanket finished, or the colors shining from a just finished Christmas card...It's happiness.

Five: Yea! For moms. I don't mean to say that my mother and I have the best relationship. We do get on each others nerves every now and then, but if I ever want to talk something through...I know I can talk to mom. She doesn't always tell me exactly what I want to here, but that's what mothers are for.

And finally (at least for right now): Yea! For Christmas shows of DVD! It makes you feel like a kid again. It's just Yea!

So, now I have to go into work tomorrow. I start every day with a "Don't let them bother me" attitude. Sometimes it doesn't always work, but remember in three weeks I'll be home for Christmas and I won't have to deal with their crap for two whole weeks! (One for Yea!)

The Great Things About Living in Michigan

Part 1 If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swimby, you might live in Michigan. If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights eachyear because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you> might live in Michigan. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan. If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan. Part 2 - You know you're a true MICHIGANIAN when............. 1. "Vacation" means going up north on I-75. 2. You measure distance in hours. 3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. 4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. 5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. 6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings). 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. 9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. 11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. 12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent. 13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. 14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. 15. Down South to you means Ohio. 16. A brat is something you eat. 17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn. 18. You go out to fish fry every Friday. 19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. 20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly." 22. You drink pop and bake with soda. 23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine. 24. You know what a Yooper is. 25. You think owning a Honda is Un American. 26. You know that UP is a place, not a direction. 27. You know it's possible to live in a thumb. 28. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest. 29. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Michigan friends

I love Google!

So, I made Google my new home page and there is a portion on there called "'How To' of the Day". It is so neat, because it always seems to have at least one thing that I'm really struggling with up there. Here is the one for today!

Impossible People

Hey! I just read this article about "How to Deal With Impossible People" and I thought it was great. I work with about 44 impossible people in a unit of about 46. So, hopefully it will help you get on better with your day. There is a link on the bottom of that page about "How to Deal With Criticism at Work". That one is good also! Enjoy!

Happy Thanksgiving!

To one and all!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Whoo-hoo!

Pisces February 18 - March 19 This is a great time to take advantage of a little solitude to pursue some cherished goals that you've had on hold, dear Pisces. Your concentration and imagination are both operating at a very high level, and you may not stop working until you've completely finished. If you're starting a project, you'll probably do well on it, and, if business and money are involved, make a success of it. Don't let temporary snags get in your way. Go for the gold!

Good Advice for a Single Thanksgiving

I just read this article and it helped me set my mind for this long four day weekend ahead of me! If there is anyone else in my boots maybe this will help! Enjoy! http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=5000&TrackingID=516164&BannerID=541888&menuid=7

Alone in a Crowded Room

Have you ever been in a crowded room and felt totally and absolutely alone? And it's not even a room full of complete strangers...No! You know these people! You spend almost 24 hours a day with some of them. You work together, you eat, sleep, and drink together. You've shared many different secrets about yourself to these people, you know their secrets. You know their wives and husbands and children's names, but for some reason, now...You are alone. You just don't fit in. You seem to say something and everyone stares blankly in your direction as if you have just appeared out of thin air, and then in a blink of an eye they are back in their conversation as if you had never said anything at all. Even if you have embraced the fact that they may just not like you that much or that you are a little socially introverted and you've started enjoying doing your own thing you can still hear them. "I did this!" "I did that!" "Let's go do this!" You wish that you could bring up the courage to invite yourself, but you really wouldn't have a good time. The conversation would bore you and you would still be ignored. It's seems like a lose-loose situation. Maybe you just have to find a different crowd. One that will embrace you for who you are. Who shares your interests and make you feel as one of the group instead of a turd in the corner that everyone pretends isn't there so they don't have to pick it up. You need to look deep into yourself to see if you just want to be seen as cool or if these people are the kind of people who would be good friends. Really, they'll just use you. Cut you down so that they look that much better. Screw them! You're better than that! You just have to get out and have fun by yourself, and like your mother has told you...Forget about it...And friends will come...

MR. CELLOPHANE If someone stood up in a crowd

And raised his voice up way out loud

And waved his arm and shook his leg

You'd notice him

If someone in the movie show

Yelled "Fire in the second row

This whole place is a powder keg!"

You'd notice him

And even without clucking like a hen

Everyone gets noticed, now and then,

Unless, of course, that personage should be

Invisible, inconsequential me!

Cellophane

Mister Cellophane

Shoulda been my name

Mister Cellophan

e'Cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me

And never know I'm there...I tell ya

Cellophane

Mister Cellophane

Shoulda been my name

Mister Cellophane

'Cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me

And never know I'm there...

Suppose you was a little cat

Residin' in a person's flat

Who fed you fish and scratched your ears?

You'd notice him

Suppose you was a woman, wed

And sleepin' in a double bed

Beside one man, for seven years

You'd notice him

A human being's made of more than air

With all that bulk, you're bound to see him there

Unless that human bein' next to you

Is unimpressive, undistinguished

You know who...

Cellophane

Mister Cellophane

Shoulda been my name

Mister Cellophane

'Cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me

And never know I'm there...I tell ya

Cellophane

Mister Cellophane

Shoulda been my name

Mister Cellophane

'Cause you can look right through me

Walk right by me

And never know I'm there

Never even know I'm there.

Hope I didn't take up too much of your time.

I'm back....REALLY!

So, life got a little more confusing there than it already is for a month or two, and I really do feel bad for not posting any recent events in my life. I really don't know where to begin. I suppose I should start with my promotion and promotion party. It was actually quite unexciting ( the promotion part), but the promotion party was a blast! I had two people pin me my friend Shawnee and I wanted Dwayne Simmons, but his wife decided to give birth on the day on my promotion (bitch), so I had to have my ex-drill sergeant Bill Snow pin me instead. That's ok too!

For my promotion party we went to Fridays in Machida, and then we went kareokeing. That was a blast. I love the way the Japanese do kareoke. You rent a room and then you and all your crazy (insane is more like it!) friends sing and drink and make a fool!

That was the beginning of October...What else has happened? I started school, then decided that was a pain in the ass and decided to wait until I get to Chicago, so I withdrew. I had my first really singing gig on Sunday! That was so much fun! It was a girls junior college and they thought we were the best. I got to go out and dance with them and I was back on stage where I'm supposed to be. I can't wait until I can do community theatre again. I need the lights! I need the stage! I need the audience! And now, it's November and I don't have much else going on until December when hopefully BJ will be on his way. I just found out today that one of my best friends from Germany got married! I couldn't believe it! It added one more guy to the curse. The girl right after me! Beware men who don't like marriage...Either that just stay with me and it will never happen! LOL! Anyway...It's nice to be back on the boat again, and hopefully I won't have anymore dry spells on here, or at least not as long of ones!

Safe Sex Never Felt So Good!

Ok, so I have to start out by saying I read about this in "O" magazine of all places. I was so intrigued that I had to do some researched. I'm sure you people lucky enough to have American TV and not the Armed Forces Network have seen commercials for this interesting device. A one time use vibrator that is on a silicone ring that slips onto the penis of your partner. So, while the deed is being down you get a little extra buzz. Well, in theory this is a pretty good idea. However, first of all, it's ten dollar ($10) for one. It only lasts for twenty minutes. So, if your love making takes longer than that you're shit out of luck, or if you are like some other fortunate couples, like to do it a lot. Well, that's ten bucks a pop! At this rate just buy a vibrator. It'll pay for itself! Secondly, (Disclaimer: If you are squeamish about hearing your niece or daughter or granddaughter, or goddaughter babbling on this way I suggest you not read ahead. Surprise! I'm not a little girl any more! LOL!) I can't imagine it would be very comfortable for either partner. The guy has this goofy looking ring wrapped around his thing, and the female has this thing being shoved against her repeatedly. You know what I mean? It just doesn't seem right. Wouldn't it make more sense to put a thing like that on a female condom so you at least get the prolonged sensation, not just when your fully penetrated by your guy. And lastly, don't you think it's kinda creepy that Trojan is promoting sex toys. That's not their job. They make condoms. It is their job to make sure no one gets pregnant or a STD. Not to make sex toys. If it was a spemicidally treated vibrator ring they would be a little closer to their own terrain, but no, they're selling sex toys at the drug store. I think this is something that you should only be able to pick up at one of your local skeezy sex shops. You know, where everyone kinda slinks around hoping they don't see anyone they know. Now it's: "Yours at Walgreens for the low, low price of $9.99. So, you can pick it up and run into your pastor around the corner. (However, If you run into him at the sex shop, at least you got a great story!) I don't know. Perhaps I'm putting to much thought into this. Actually, I know I'm thinking to deeply, but I just find it humorous! Anyway, I took my time to look this up on the Trojan website (and it was fun!), so why don't you take a look and decide for yourself? http://www.trojancondoms.com/vibratingring/index.asp Have fun and enjoy...(Yourself, if you know what I mean!)

A Lotta Bit of Humor

Dan sent me this link last night and I laughed so hard I almost wet myself! Thank God I live alone! How embarrassing! And enjoy:

Men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women for thousands of years, Finally, this guide helps you understand just how it works. Always remember, to make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and you lose points. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Hey, it's her game, you might as well learn how to play.

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed................................................+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......-1

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....................-2

You leave the toilet seat up....................................-5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..............+5

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.............-2

You go out to buy her extra -light panty liners with wings......+5

in the rain.....................................................+8

but return with beer............................................-1

and no pads.....................................................-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night.......................+1

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing..............nada

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something............+5

You pummel it with a six iron...................................+10

It's her cat....................................................-40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party...........................nada

You stay by her side for a while, then leave with a drinking buddy...........................................-2

Named Tiffany...................................................-20

Tiffany is a dancer.............................................-50

With breast implants............................................-100

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday.......................................+1

You buy a card and flowers......................................+2

You take her out to dinner......................................+5

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar............+6

Okay, it is a sports bar........................................-20

And it's all-you-can-eat night..................................-30

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your faceis painted the colors of your favorite team.....................-40

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal...................................................nada

The pal is happily married......................................+1

The pal is single...............................................-10

He drives a Ferrari.............................................-20

With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....................-30

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie.........................................+2

You take her to a movie she likes...............................+5

You take her to a movie you hate................................+8

You take her to a movie you like................................-5

It's called Death Cop III.......................................-10

it features Cyborgs that eat humans.............................-15

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-20

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly..............................-15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..+10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loosejeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.................................-30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".................-1000

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding......................................-10

You reply, "Where?".............................................-35

You reply, "No, honey, I think it's your

butt"................................................Game_Over

Forlorn Adventurer

Well, since I don't have as much time left in Japan as I had hoped, I decided yesterday to finally get out of my room and explore this wild and mystical country. I'm right in the middle of the most populated and historical center in Japan, so I don't have to travel far to get to see many of these crazy things. I'd bought a travel book and looked up some interesting sites, then went looking for someone to accompany me. Unfortunately, everyone in the unit already had plans. So, as you see, I was all by my lonesome. I almost didn't go. I mean, what is the point of going and discovering all these amazing things if you don't have anyone to share them with. Then I thought about it. I walked around Salzburg all day once and had a great time. I didn't have anyone telling me they wanted to see something different, or what I was checking out was boring. And I do have someone to share all this with. All of you! So, I checked the train routes and I was on my way to Kamakura to see the Great Buddha, or Daibutsu as the Japanese call it. Daibutsu is the second largest statue of Buddha in all of Japan. It was built in 1252. It was guilded in cooper and enclosed in a large temple. In 1495, a huge tsunami wiped away the temple and everything around it. Only the Daibutsu survived. There are craploads of temples and shrines all over the Kamakura district, but I only went and looked at two. The first one was by mistake because I couldn't read the map I had bought, so I followed two cute guys down a tree covered path in the middle of the street hoping they would lead me in the right direction. I ended up at the Hachiman Shrine, which is one of the largest and most beautiful in Kamakura, but I didn't know that at the time. I was just annoyed that I didn't know where I was, and I didn't have a lot of time before the Daibutsu temple closed. The stone stairway was so long, but it was worth the walk. The temple was huge. I wanted to go back and explore the outer buildings and museums that they had near there. When I figured out where I was and took off toward the Daibutsu. It was a long walk, but it was pretty. I found the road that led up to the temple. There is a thing about Japan. I always seem to be on the wrong side of traffic. I think, walk on the left side, no, all the walking traffic is on the other side of road, so I switch and again I'm pushing against the current. So, moving on, I got to the Great Buddha. It was smaller than I thought, and the surrounding shrine wasn't really much to look at, but it was worth it. For 500 yen, or $5, they allow tourists to go inside the statue. Want to know what it was like? Well, imagine, walking inside the bottom of your mother's favorite porcelain knick-knack. I made my way down the road to the little train station that takes tourist back to the Kamakura train station. This little road should have been called "Ice Cream Alley" because of all the ice cream shops. And I'll tell you another thing: Sweet potato is the flavor of the season. Holy cow! Purple ice cream everywhere (Sweet potato ice cream is lilac colored.) I got a sweet potato/vanilla twist cone. It's was very good. I got back to Soubudia-mae (the train station outside Camp Zama) and had sushi for dinner. I love the sushi restaurants they have. They have a bar for single people and booths for parties, but they are all placed around a conveyor belt with sushi and food on plates. You grab the plate you want and they are color-coded to tell you how much that plate costs. Pink is 100 yen, green 150, blue 250. Then they have tea and cups on a bottom belt so you just have to grab it and put hot water in it from the little spout that's on your table. It's so fun. I love sushi.

And Isn't It Ironic...Don't You Think?

The Army cracks me up...Well, actually it drives me crazy. This morning I found out that I was picked up for promotion to SGT. Cool. Awesome. I'm happy. However, this afternoon I found out that I can't extend to meet my DEROS, which is when my tour in Japan is up. March of '07. My ETS, which is when my Army contract is up, is June '06. So, I would have to extend my contract for like nine months. However, I am in my reenlistment window, which means I can't extend, I either have to get out or reenlist. The shortest reenlistment option is two years. Now, I was supposed to do all of my extending and everything before I even left Germany, however this is where it gets foggy. I was flagged for weight, which meant I couldn't extend. So, I got sent to Japan with my ETS still being June of '06. If I had extended as soon as I wasn't flagged anymore I would be fine also, but then they decided to make the reenlistment window two years out from ETS instead of one year which is the usual case. So, now I have this predicament. You know, I say at least once every day to myself, "I should have listened to my mother." And in this case it is totally more than true. (BTW, stop by and check my mother's blog. The link is at the bottom of the page. *PROMO* PROMO* lol!) Anyway, I'm retarded and I haven't saved any money. Zero. Seriously, I know, I'm dumb. And now I have this college/interior design fire lit under my ass. This is my predicament: I just decided what my next move in life was going to be. I was going to start saving, now that I knew what I was saving for. I was going to get out in March, move to Chicago, get an apartment with my brother, get a job, settle down for about six months, get back in the civilian mind, and start school in the fall. Right now there is a year and a half/ two years before any of this happens. If I get out in June that's eight months too early. I don't have enough money saved up, and I only have two months to get settled for school. It's a lot of rushing, but it could still work. If I reenlist for two years, I get out of the army in OCT '07. I have lots more time to save money, but I wouldn't start design school until the spring of '08, almost three years from now and by that time I'm afraid I'll loose interest and have the army swallow me up and there go all my high speed plans and dreams. I have to really decide soon. I don't know what to do. My plans are all fucked up at this point. That's what is ironic about all this...At one point the Army says, "Guess what. We think you're cool. We think you're it. Tell you what, we're going to promote you for a job well done." Then the next their saying, "So, yeah we think you're cool, but that's about it. You still belong to us and we're gonna fuck up every plan you make." My mom is right, there is no point is making plans because it never works out the way you hoped. You can make the best, but are you ever really happy?

Thanks be to Steve

I hate dentists. Everyone hates dentists you say? Oh, yes, I agree with you to some degree, I mean who really enjoys having their teeth ceremoniously ripped out of their head, or even bigger gaping holes in the already large cavities, that really don't bother you until they screw with them, but you don't understand. I hate dentists, loath them. I would even go as far as to say, "With a passion" which I am not so fond of either. I have horrible teeth. Someone, whether it be in God's baby shop, or the stork factory or my parents genes, forgot to make sure my teeth made the adequate supply of fluoride. So, already I was doomed to have bad teeth. Then, of course, my love for coffee and cigarettes, sodas and chocolate didn't help me either. I'm surprised that I have any white left in my teeth. I should have a dulled tin colored smile. Today, I had to get yet another filling. And believe me...I brush my teeth. I don't floss because it hurts, but I brush. Twice a day for at least four to five minutes. Fluoride toothpaste for sensitive teeth, but no help. Cavity after cavity. I looked at the x-ray they did of me and seriously, my mouth looked like the Grand Canyon, with four big mountains on the ends. Which soon will explode and become volcanoes that will leave big craters after they are yanked from my head. Uh.... But really, all that would be fine. I wouldn't have this crazy dentist phobia which incidentally is called: dentophobia (who'da thunk it?) if it weren't for one man. Steve Martin. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my favorite comedian and yours is the reason why I hate dentists. First, he played crazy Orin Scrivello, DDS the sadistic, abusive dentist from Little Shop of Horrors. And yes, I know it was supposed to be funny, but I was only two or three when the movie came out, I was probably four of five when I first saw it, and that character is scary to children. I thought that's how all dentists were. Until I realized one day that it was a movie and I was a little better again. Then, when I was sixteen I saw another movie: Novocaine. Like Little Shop of Horrors it too stared Steven Martin as a dentist. This movie though it was promoted as a comedy, I didn't find very funny. This was serious stuff. Cheating wives, money laundering, other crazy crap, but mostly Steven Martin as a sad, depressed, drugged up, teeth yanking dentist. Now, you're saying, "Becky, you were sixteen, you know the difference between reality and fantasy." And I'll say you're right, but that little seed from long ago had been watered and was growing in the back of my mind which again, sprouted my fear of dentists. I would be okay, if I had teeth that cooperated, but I don't and must suffer many more long days worrying about my next visit to the DOCTORS FROM HELL!

The Truth About Me and Men (No. 1)

This is my first...And I'm sure it's not going to be my last entry about men. I have a curse. I know, I'm only 21 years old, how could I already have a curse over me about men? It's easy to say it, and it's even easier to understand after I give you all the facts. I have dated a lot of guys. I started out early, I was 14, Ray was 17. And we were together for a long time. Almost two and a half years. But I got bored, and he was growing up and moving on, and I was interested in a friend of mine. So, it was bye-bye him, and hello, new guy.

Well, lets just say, new guy didn't work out so well. (Much like the relationship, if that's what you can call it, that just ended. I think perhaps it's a "Dan" thing.) Then there was Chris, and Rod. Then Josh. Josh was a good guy. We got along well, and we were together for over a year, but I moved away, he hated the fact that I was in the army, and I met Geoff. (Oh, and if any of you guys read this. Please don't get mad. I'm just telling it from my point of view. No harm, no foul.) Geoff, I wish I could say otherwise, but I still am very much in love with. I try to push it away, but it never works. I think if our jobs hadn't pushed into uncharted parts of Iraq and the world for that matter, I think we would still be together. But life doesn't make it easy, and we broke up.

Since then, my love life has been, on a scale of 1-10, shifting somewhere between a zero and a two. There was Dan Robinson. (Yes, I have dated three Dans. You'd think I'd learn right?) and Coop and Dan Carter. All three of them have been an absolute failure. (Thankfully, I am still somewhat friends with Dan R. And Coop, I wish neither of us had dated, but in the moment you never think straight. Hindsight is 20/20, you know.) And now, this is where the curse rears it's sorry head.

All but, like three of the guys I have ever dated, have met their wife and married them within about six months of being with me. Ray, Chris, Rod, Dan Robinson. The others, with my record, are not far behind if you ask me. What is it about me? Do they date me and I make them so crazy that they just pick up the next woman they see? Do I make them realize, that I am definitely not the kind of girl they want, so I make the next woman look magnificent? Now, I'm sure that's not the case, but when you're looking at it from where I sit. Uh...I'm lost.

I can admit that I am more of a person when I'm not with someone. I'm just finally figuring out who I am. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I think I'm on the right track, because I don't have someone I'm doting over all the time. However, I want companionship. I want a guy I can hug and who will hug me back. I want someone to cuddle with. I want someone to make happy, and that makes me happy at the same time. (Of course, I want the sex too. I mean I can't leave that out, right?!) But you know what I mean. When am I going to find it? I think I'm looking for it too hard. It's not coming in Japan, I'll tell you that much. All the good guys are already married. The so-so guys are all after the Japanese girls, or they're just assholes (Like Dan Carter. Can you tell he just recently pissed me off? Long story.) Or there are the single guys, where there is definitely a reason that they are single.

I need to get guys out of my mind. I need to get out and have fun. I need to meet people outside of the band. I need to go to school. I need to uh...I can list a million things that I need to do. I'm not going to get any of them done sitting at my computer. I'm gonna go chill out. I'm glad I have this journal to vent. I feel a lot better than when I started. I hope I didn't embarrass or make anyone mad. Like I said, I'm just telling it how I see it. There are three sides to every story, you know. My side, his side and the truth. Peace!

Circus Sheets and God

I think my new sheets are too loud...They're keeping me awake at night. I bought them about a week and a half ago, and I haven't gotten a good night's sleep since. I had been looking for some funky sheets, besides the gross blue ones I had, and found some Tommy Hilfiger ones that were striped blue, pink, white and magenta. They were 50% off, so I bought them. The morning after I'd slept in them the first time, I looked at my bed...It looks like a circus tent! It's horrible. I'm gonna keep them because I like the color, but...I don't know what to do about my sleep pattern. I don't understand the logic of my command team. Labor Day weekend for the Army, is a four day weekend. Which is good for the rest of the Army, because they don't work on the weekends. The band on the other hand works almost once every weekend. And, this weekend is like every other. We usually have comp days, and this time it was going to be: Friday, Saturday off, work Sunday, Monday, Tuesday off. Which is still retarded because, yeah, you have four days totally, but they're not all in a row. So, this morning chief tells everyone that they are taking Tuesday away, and giving us a three day the next weekend. I don't want a three day! I was four days! I want to have time to travel Japan. I want to go and see Kyoto, I want to see the big Buda...And how am I supposed to do that if I'm not getting the time off! Grr. I can plan as best I can this time, I know I'm gonna have three days...I'll see what I can dig up. I'm watching the news about Hurricane Katrina, and I feel bad, but it reminds me of this story: There was a man, Steve, who lived in Florida and he heard that a hurricane was coming. He decided that he didn't need to leave, that God would look out for him and he would be fine. So, there was about an hour or so until the hurricane was going to hit and there was a knock on Steve's door. There was a man standing there whom Steve had never seen. "Come on!" the man said, "I have a truck and we can get out of here before the storm hits. Come with me!" Steve thanked the man but said, "I'm not leaving. I'll be fine. God will take care of me." "Suit yourself," the man said, hopping in his truck and driving off. The hurricane hit, and there was lots of flooding. Steve was standing in his window sill, trying to keep dry, when a man in a row boat sailed by. "Come on!" the man in the row boat said. "I can take one more with me." "No, thank you!" Steve said. "I'm going to stay here. God will take care of me." The man shook his head, but rowed away. Finally, Steve was standing on his roof. The water was rising even higher, and a helicopter flew by. A man on a rescue line, came down. "Come on!" the man said. "Grab hold, and we'll be on our way." Steve refused. "I'm not leaving." he said. "God will take care of me." The man gave a signal to the others in the helicopter and flew away. The water rose and rose. It was over Steve's head and he fought as much as he could, but couldn't keep his head above the water. Eventually, Steve passed away. He arrived in heaven and was angry. "What is this?" He asked himself, "God was supposed to take care of me. If he had been why am I here?" He heard a great voice behind him, and spun around. He was looking God straight in the face. God said. "I did take care of you. I sent the man with the truck, the man with the row boat, and a whole crew in a helicopter, and you refused. As far as I'm concerned you deserved to die. You're a fool." The end. Have a nice day!

Babble (No. 1)

Finally, I can say I know what the difference between a kimono and a yukata are. I thought they were the same. I’ve been reading “Memoirs of a Geisha” (actually, I finished last night) and I saw a woman walking down the street wearing a Japanese robe. I didn’t think it was a kimono, but I didn’t know what the name for it was. I mentioned to Shawnee that I wanted to learn more about kimono and when and where they wear them. Well, Shawnee pointed out that the robe wasn’t a kimono, but a yukata…whatever the hell that was... Then, Friday, at the Fire Festival we saw tons of people wearing robes, and I decided once and for all to know the difference and all about traditional Japanese dress. And here it is: http://www.japanesekimono.com/ . A yukata is a summer weight robe, which is a lot like a kimono is the way that the top layer is worn. A kimono is extremely elaborate, and is worn for extremely special occasions. It’s all spelled out in the link. It’s really interesting to read about. Yeah, “Memoirs of a Geisha” by Arthur Golden is an excellent book, especially, being in Japan while I was reading. It had the same effect on me as “The Da Vinci Code” and “Angels and Demons” did while I was in Germany. I probably never would have visited the Louvre if I hadn’t read “The Da Vinci Code”. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the chance to see Rome while I was there. I was in Japan when the Pope passed away or I probably would have hopped a plane and made it down there. I hope to visit there one day though, along with Venice. Ahhhh…..but that’s another dream. So…yes, I so much want to visit Kyoto now after reading this book. I’m sure I’ll be disappointed to some extent, because the Kyoto in this story is a Kyoto of pre-WWII. But, it should be fascinating all the same. And, speaking about great books…I’m also going to speak about bad movie renditions. I really do not like watching movies of books I love. There is only one exception and that is “Clan of the Cave Bear” because I saw the movie years and years before I read the book. However, every movie I have seen about a book I love has been absolute trash. For instance, “White Oleander” the book is amazing. It goes deep into the struggle of a young girl who is pulled from one foster family to another and how she learns more about herself in the process. The movie hit on the couple of horrify experiences, (i.e. her affair with a foster father, her real mother talking her favorite foster mother to commit suicide) then makes a total false love story between her and a boy she meets in a youth center. It was horrible. Right now, they are making “The Da Vinci Code” and “Memoirs of a Geisha” into movies. I’ve done some research on both, and of the two “Memoirs of a Geisha” will be the better. The casting seems great. I don’t know about the story, but I’m sure it will be fine. “The Da Vinci Code” on the other hand has horrible casting for the male lead (Tom Hanks as Robert Langdon? I’m sorry, but…no.) They do have the girl who was Amelie as Sophie, which I think is a great choice, I do wonder if she got the part because she is probably the most famous French actress that the US knows…She’s great, but was there anyone better out there? Oh, well, we’ll see how it all turns out. Another, movie I’m waiting for is “Rent”. They cast most of the original Broadway cast, except Joann and Mimi. (I like their choices though. Kudos!) Let’s see if a Broadway play of the magnitude can hold it’s own on the big screen. My fingers are crossed. It better be good…I cried the first time I saw the trailer. “The opposite of war isn’t peace…its creation!”