Thanks be to Steve

I hate dentists. Everyone hates dentists you say? Oh, yes, I agree with you to some degree, I mean who really enjoys having their teeth ceremoniously ripped out of their head, or even bigger gaping holes in the already large cavities, that really don't bother you until they screw with them, but you don't understand. I hate dentists, loath them. I would even go as far as to say, "With a passion" which I am not so fond of either. I have horrible teeth. Someone, whether it be in God's baby shop, or the stork factory or my parents genes, forgot to make sure my teeth made the adequate supply of fluoride. So, already I was doomed to have bad teeth. Then, of course, my love for coffee and cigarettes, sodas and chocolate didn't help me either. I'm surprised that I have any white left in my teeth. I should have a dulled tin colored smile. Today, I had to get yet another filling. And believe me...I brush my teeth. I don't floss because it hurts, but I brush. Twice a day for at least four to five minutes. Fluoride toothpaste for sensitive teeth, but no help. Cavity after cavity. I looked at the x-ray they did of me and seriously, my mouth looked like the Grand Canyon, with four big mountains on the ends. Which soon will explode and become volcanoes that will leave big craters after they are yanked from my head. Uh.... But really, all that would be fine. I wouldn't have this crazy dentist phobia which incidentally is called: dentophobia (who'da thunk it?) if it weren't for one man. Steve Martin. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my favorite comedian and yours is the reason why I hate dentists. First, he played crazy Orin Scrivello, DDS the sadistic, abusive dentist from Little Shop of Horrors. And yes, I know it was supposed to be funny, but I was only two or three when the movie came out, I was probably four of five when I first saw it, and that character is scary to children. I thought that's how all dentists were. Until I realized one day that it was a movie and I was a little better again. Then, when I was sixteen I saw another movie: Novocaine. Like Little Shop of Horrors it too stared Steven Martin as a dentist. This movie though it was promoted as a comedy, I didn't find very funny. This was serious stuff. Cheating wives, money laundering, other crazy crap, but mostly Steven Martin as a sad, depressed, drugged up, teeth yanking dentist. Now, you're saying, "Becky, you were sixteen, you know the difference between reality and fantasy." And I'll say you're right, but that little seed from long ago had been watered and was growing in the back of my mind which again, sprouted my fear of dentists. I would be okay, if I had teeth that cooperated, but I don't and must suffer many more long days worrying about my next visit to the DOCTORS FROM HELL!