The Truth About Me and Men (No. 1)

This is my first...And I'm sure it's not going to be my last entry about men. I have a curse. I know, I'm only 21 years old, how could I already have a curse over me about men? It's easy to say it, and it's even easier to understand after I give you all the facts. I have dated a lot of guys. I started out early, I was 14, Ray was 17. And we were together for a long time. Almost two and a half years. But I got bored, and he was growing up and moving on, and I was interested in a friend of mine. So, it was bye-bye him, and hello, new guy.

Well, lets just say, new guy didn't work out so well. (Much like the relationship, if that's what you can call it, that just ended. I think perhaps it's a "Dan" thing.) Then there was Chris, and Rod. Then Josh. Josh was a good guy. We got along well, and we were together for over a year, but I moved away, he hated the fact that I was in the army, and I met Geoff. (Oh, and if any of you guys read this. Please don't get mad. I'm just telling it from my point of view. No harm, no foul.) Geoff, I wish I could say otherwise, but I still am very much in love with. I try to push it away, but it never works. I think if our jobs hadn't pushed into uncharted parts of Iraq and the world for that matter, I think we would still be together. But life doesn't make it easy, and we broke up.

Since then, my love life has been, on a scale of 1-10, shifting somewhere between a zero and a two. There was Dan Robinson. (Yes, I have dated three Dans. You'd think I'd learn right?) and Coop and Dan Carter. All three of them have been an absolute failure. (Thankfully, I am still somewhat friends with Dan R. And Coop, I wish neither of us had dated, but in the moment you never think straight. Hindsight is 20/20, you know.) And now, this is where the curse rears it's sorry head.

All but, like three of the guys I have ever dated, have met their wife and married them within about six months of being with me. Ray, Chris, Rod, Dan Robinson. The others, with my record, are not far behind if you ask me. What is it about me? Do they date me and I make them so crazy that they just pick up the next woman they see? Do I make them realize, that I am definitely not the kind of girl they want, so I make the next woman look magnificent? Now, I'm sure that's not the case, but when you're looking at it from where I sit. Uh...I'm lost.

I can admit that I am more of a person when I'm not with someone. I'm just finally figuring out who I am. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I think I'm on the right track, because I don't have someone I'm doting over all the time. However, I want companionship. I want a guy I can hug and who will hug me back. I want someone to cuddle with. I want someone to make happy, and that makes me happy at the same time. (Of course, I want the sex too. I mean I can't leave that out, right?!) But you know what I mean. When am I going to find it? I think I'm looking for it too hard. It's not coming in Japan, I'll tell you that much. All the good guys are already married. The so-so guys are all after the Japanese girls, or they're just assholes (Like Dan Carter. Can you tell he just recently pissed me off? Long story.) Or there are the single guys, where there is definitely a reason that they are single.

I need to get guys out of my mind. I need to get out and have fun. I need to meet people outside of the band. I need to go to school. I need to uh...I can list a million things that I need to do. I'm not going to get any of them done sitting at my computer. I'm gonna go chill out. I'm glad I have this journal to vent. I feel a lot better than when I started. I hope I didn't embarrass or make anyone mad. Like I said, I'm just telling it how I see it. There are three sides to every story, you know. My side, his side and the truth. Peace!