A Lotta Bit of Humor

Dan sent me this link last night and I laughed so hard I almost wet myself! Thank God I live alone! How embarrassing! And enjoy:

Men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women for thousands of years, Finally, this guide helps you understand just how it works. Always remember, to make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and you lose points. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Hey, it's her game, you might as well learn how to play.

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed................................................+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......-1

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....................-2

You leave the toilet seat up....................................-5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..............+5

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.............-2

You go out to buy her extra -light panty liners with wings......+5

in the rain.....................................................+8

but return with beer............................................-1

and no pads.....................................................-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night.......................+1

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing..............nada

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something............+5

You pummel it with a six iron...................................+10

It's her cat....................................................-40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party...........................nada

You stay by her side for a while, then leave with a drinking buddy...........................................-2

Named Tiffany...................................................-20

Tiffany is a dancer.............................................-50

With breast implants............................................-100

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday.......................................+1

You buy a card and flowers......................................+2

You take her out to dinner......................................+5

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar............+6

Okay, it is a sports bar........................................-20

And it's all-you-can-eat night..................................-30

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your faceis painted the colors of your favorite team.....................-40

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal...................................................nada

The pal is happily married......................................+1

The pal is single...............................................-10

He drives a Ferrari.............................................-20

With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....................-30

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie.........................................+2

You take her to a movie she likes...............................+5

You take her to a movie you hate................................+8

You take her to a movie you like................................-5

It's called Death Cop III.......................................-10

it features Cyborgs that eat humans.............................-15

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-20

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly..............................-15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..+10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loosejeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.................................-30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".................-1000

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding......................................-10

You reply, "Where?".............................................-35

You reply, "No, honey, I think it's your

butt"................................................Game_Over