Safe Sex Never Felt So Good!

Ok, so I have to start out by saying I read about this in "O" magazine of all places. I was so intrigued that I had to do some researched. I'm sure you people lucky enough to have American TV and not the Armed Forces Network have seen commercials for this interesting device. A one time use vibrator that is on a silicone ring that slips onto the penis of your partner. So, while the deed is being down you get a little extra buzz. Well, in theory this is a pretty good idea. However, first of all, it's ten dollar ($10) for one. It only lasts for twenty minutes. So, if your love making takes longer than that you're shit out of luck, or if you are like some other fortunate couples, like to do it a lot. Well, that's ten bucks a pop! At this rate just buy a vibrator. It'll pay for itself! Secondly, (Disclaimer: If you are squeamish about hearing your niece or daughter or granddaughter, or goddaughter babbling on this way I suggest you not read ahead. Surprise! I'm not a little girl any more! LOL!) I can't imagine it would be very comfortable for either partner. The guy has this goofy looking ring wrapped around his thing, and the female has this thing being shoved against her repeatedly. You know what I mean? It just doesn't seem right. Wouldn't it make more sense to put a thing like that on a female condom so you at least get the prolonged sensation, not just when your fully penetrated by your guy. And lastly, don't you think it's kinda creepy that Trojan is promoting sex toys. That's not their job. They make condoms. It is their job to make sure no one gets pregnant or a STD. Not to make sex toys. If it was a spemicidally treated vibrator ring they would be a little closer to their own terrain, but no, they're selling sex toys at the drug store. I think this is something that you should only be able to pick up at one of your local skeezy sex shops. You know, where everyone kinda slinks around hoping they don't see anyone they know. Now it's: "Yours at Walgreens for the low, low price of $9.99. So, you can pick it up and run into your pastor around the corner. (However, If you run into him at the sex shop, at least you got a great story!) I don't know. Perhaps I'm putting to much thought into this. Actually, I know I'm thinking to deeply, but I just find it humorous! Anyway, I took my time to look this up on the Trojan website (and it was fun!), so why don't you take a look and decide for yourself? http://www.trojancondoms.com/vibratingring/index.asp Have fun and enjoy...(Yourself, if you know what I mean!)

A Lotta Bit of Humor

Dan sent me this link last night and I laughed so hard I almost wet myself! Thank God I live alone! How embarrassing! And enjoy:

Men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women for thousands of years, Finally, this guide helps you understand just how it works. Always remember, to make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and you lose points. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Hey, it's her game, you might as well learn how to play.

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed................................................+1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows......-1

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....................-2

You leave the toilet seat up....................................-5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty..............+5

When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1

When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.............-2

You go out to buy her extra -light panty liners with wings......+5

in the rain.....................................................+8

but return with beer............................................-1

and no pads.....................................................-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night.......................+1

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing..............nada

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something............+5

You pummel it with a six iron...................................+10

It's her cat....................................................-40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party...........................nada

You stay by her side for a while, then leave with a drinking buddy...........................................-2

Named Tiffany...................................................-20

Tiffany is a dancer.............................................-50

With breast implants............................................-100

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday.......................................+1

You buy a card and flowers......................................+2

You take her out to dinner......................................+5

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar............+6

Okay, it is a sports bar........................................-20

And it's all-you-can-eat night..................................-30

It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your faceis painted the colors of your favorite team.....................-40

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal...................................................nada

The pal is happily married......................................+1

The pal is single...............................................-10

He drives a Ferrari.............................................-20

With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....................-30

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie.........................................+2

You take her to a movie she likes...............................+5

You take her to a movie you hate................................+8

You take her to a movie you like................................-5

It's called Death Cop III.......................................-10

it features Cyborgs that eat humans.............................-15

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans...........-20

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly..............................-15

You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it..+10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loosejeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.................................-30

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".................-1000

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding......................................-10

You reply, "Where?".............................................-35

You reply, "No, honey, I think it's your

butt"................................................Game_Over

Forlorn Adventurer

Well, since I don't have as much time left in Japan as I had hoped, I decided yesterday to finally get out of my room and explore this wild and mystical country. I'm right in the middle of the most populated and historical center in Japan, so I don't have to travel far to get to see many of these crazy things. I'd bought a travel book and looked up some interesting sites, then went looking for someone to accompany me. Unfortunately, everyone in the unit already had plans. So, as you see, I was all by my lonesome. I almost didn't go. I mean, what is the point of going and discovering all these amazing things if you don't have anyone to share them with. Then I thought about it. I walked around Salzburg all day once and had a great time. I didn't have anyone telling me they wanted to see something different, or what I was checking out was boring. And I do have someone to share all this with. All of you! So, I checked the train routes and I was on my way to Kamakura to see the Great Buddha, or Daibutsu as the Japanese call it. Daibutsu is the second largest statue of Buddha in all of Japan. It was built in 1252. It was guilded in cooper and enclosed in a large temple. In 1495, a huge tsunami wiped away the temple and everything around it. Only the Daibutsu survived. There are craploads of temples and shrines all over the Kamakura district, but I only went and looked at two. The first one was by mistake because I couldn't read the map I had bought, so I followed two cute guys down a tree covered path in the middle of the street hoping they would lead me in the right direction. I ended up at the Hachiman Shrine, which is one of the largest and most beautiful in Kamakura, but I didn't know that at the time. I was just annoyed that I didn't know where I was, and I didn't have a lot of time before the Daibutsu temple closed. The stone stairway was so long, but it was worth the walk. The temple was huge. I wanted to go back and explore the outer buildings and museums that they had near there. When I figured out where I was and took off toward the Daibutsu. It was a long walk, but it was pretty. I found the road that led up to the temple. There is a thing about Japan. I always seem to be on the wrong side of traffic. I think, walk on the left side, no, all the walking traffic is on the other side of road, so I switch and again I'm pushing against the current. So, moving on, I got to the Great Buddha. It was smaller than I thought, and the surrounding shrine wasn't really much to look at, but it was worth it. For 500 yen, or $5, they allow tourists to go inside the statue. Want to know what it was like? Well, imagine, walking inside the bottom of your mother's favorite porcelain knick-knack. I made my way down the road to the little train station that takes tourist back to the Kamakura train station. This little road should have been called "Ice Cream Alley" because of all the ice cream shops. And I'll tell you another thing: Sweet potato is the flavor of the season. Holy cow! Purple ice cream everywhere (Sweet potato ice cream is lilac colored.) I got a sweet potato/vanilla twist cone. It's was very good. I got back to Soubudia-mae (the train station outside Camp Zama) and had sushi for dinner. I love the sushi restaurants they have. They have a bar for single people and booths for parties, but they are all placed around a conveyor belt with sushi and food on plates. You grab the plate you want and they are color-coded to tell you how much that plate costs. Pink is 100 yen, green 150, blue 250. Then they have tea and cups on a bottom belt so you just have to grab it and put hot water in it from the little spout that's on your table. It's so fun. I love sushi.

And Isn't It Ironic...Don't You Think?

The Army cracks me up...Well, actually it drives me crazy. This morning I found out that I was picked up for promotion to SGT. Cool. Awesome. I'm happy. However, this afternoon I found out that I can't extend to meet my DEROS, which is when my tour in Japan is up. March of '07. My ETS, which is when my Army contract is up, is June '06. So, I would have to extend my contract for like nine months. However, I am in my reenlistment window, which means I can't extend, I either have to get out or reenlist. The shortest reenlistment option is two years. Now, I was supposed to do all of my extending and everything before I even left Germany, however this is where it gets foggy. I was flagged for weight, which meant I couldn't extend. So, I got sent to Japan with my ETS still being June of '06. If I had extended as soon as I wasn't flagged anymore I would be fine also, but then they decided to make the reenlistment window two years out from ETS instead of one year which is the usual case. So, now I have this predicament. You know, I say at least once every day to myself, "I should have listened to my mother." And in this case it is totally more than true. (BTW, stop by and check my mother's blog. The link is at the bottom of the page. *PROMO* PROMO* lol!) Anyway, I'm retarded and I haven't saved any money. Zero. Seriously, I know, I'm dumb. And now I have this college/interior design fire lit under my ass. This is my predicament: I just decided what my next move in life was going to be. I was going to start saving, now that I knew what I was saving for. I was going to get out in March, move to Chicago, get an apartment with my brother, get a job, settle down for about six months, get back in the civilian mind, and start school in the fall. Right now there is a year and a half/ two years before any of this happens. If I get out in June that's eight months too early. I don't have enough money saved up, and I only have two months to get settled for school. It's a lot of rushing, but it could still work. If I reenlist for two years, I get out of the army in OCT '07. I have lots more time to save money, but I wouldn't start design school until the spring of '08, almost three years from now and by that time I'm afraid I'll loose interest and have the army swallow me up and there go all my high speed plans and dreams. I have to really decide soon. I don't know what to do. My plans are all fucked up at this point. That's what is ironic about all this...At one point the Army says, "Guess what. We think you're cool. We think you're it. Tell you what, we're going to promote you for a job well done." Then the next their saying, "So, yeah we think you're cool, but that's about it. You still belong to us and we're gonna fuck up every plan you make." My mom is right, there is no point is making plans because it never works out the way you hoped. You can make the best, but are you ever really happy?

Thanks be to Steve

I hate dentists. Everyone hates dentists you say? Oh, yes, I agree with you to some degree, I mean who really enjoys having their teeth ceremoniously ripped out of their head, or even bigger gaping holes in the already large cavities, that really don't bother you until they screw with them, but you don't understand. I hate dentists, loath them. I would even go as far as to say, "With a passion" which I am not so fond of either. I have horrible teeth. Someone, whether it be in God's baby shop, or the stork factory or my parents genes, forgot to make sure my teeth made the adequate supply of fluoride. So, already I was doomed to have bad teeth. Then, of course, my love for coffee and cigarettes, sodas and chocolate didn't help me either. I'm surprised that I have any white left in my teeth. I should have a dulled tin colored smile. Today, I had to get yet another filling. And believe me...I brush my teeth. I don't floss because it hurts, but I brush. Twice a day for at least four to five minutes. Fluoride toothpaste for sensitive teeth, but no help. Cavity after cavity. I looked at the x-ray they did of me and seriously, my mouth looked like the Grand Canyon, with four big mountains on the ends. Which soon will explode and become volcanoes that will leave big craters after they are yanked from my head. Uh.... But really, all that would be fine. I wouldn't have this crazy dentist phobia which incidentally is called: dentophobia (who'da thunk it?) if it weren't for one man. Steve Martin. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my favorite comedian and yours is the reason why I hate dentists. First, he played crazy Orin Scrivello, DDS the sadistic, abusive dentist from Little Shop of Horrors. And yes, I know it was supposed to be funny, but I was only two or three when the movie came out, I was probably four of five when I first saw it, and that character is scary to children. I thought that's how all dentists were. Until I realized one day that it was a movie and I was a little better again. Then, when I was sixteen I saw another movie: Novocaine. Like Little Shop of Horrors it too stared Steven Martin as a dentist. This movie though it was promoted as a comedy, I didn't find very funny. This was serious stuff. Cheating wives, money laundering, other crazy crap, but mostly Steven Martin as a sad, depressed, drugged up, teeth yanking dentist. Now, you're saying, "Becky, you were sixteen, you know the difference between reality and fantasy." And I'll say you're right, but that little seed from long ago had been watered and was growing in the back of my mind which again, sprouted my fear of dentists. I would be okay, if I had teeth that cooperated, but I don't and must suffer many more long days worrying about my next visit to the DOCTORS FROM HELL!

The Truth About Me and Men (No. 1)

This is my first...And I'm sure it's not going to be my last entry about men. I have a curse. I know, I'm only 21 years old, how could I already have a curse over me about men? It's easy to say it, and it's even easier to understand after I give you all the facts. I have dated a lot of guys. I started out early, I was 14, Ray was 17. And we were together for a long time. Almost two and a half years. But I got bored, and he was growing up and moving on, and I was interested in a friend of mine. So, it was bye-bye him, and hello, new guy.

Well, lets just say, new guy didn't work out so well. (Much like the relationship, if that's what you can call it, that just ended. I think perhaps it's a "Dan" thing.) Then there was Chris, and Rod. Then Josh. Josh was a good guy. We got along well, and we were together for over a year, but I moved away, he hated the fact that I was in the army, and I met Geoff. (Oh, and if any of you guys read this. Please don't get mad. I'm just telling it from my point of view. No harm, no foul.) Geoff, I wish I could say otherwise, but I still am very much in love with. I try to push it away, but it never works. I think if our jobs hadn't pushed into uncharted parts of Iraq and the world for that matter, I think we would still be together. But life doesn't make it easy, and we broke up.

Since then, my love life has been, on a scale of 1-10, shifting somewhere between a zero and a two. There was Dan Robinson. (Yes, I have dated three Dans. You'd think I'd learn right?) and Coop and Dan Carter. All three of them have been an absolute failure. (Thankfully, I am still somewhat friends with Dan R. And Coop, I wish neither of us had dated, but in the moment you never think straight. Hindsight is 20/20, you know.) And now, this is where the curse rears it's sorry head.

All but, like three of the guys I have ever dated, have met their wife and married them within about six months of being with me. Ray, Chris, Rod, Dan Robinson. The others, with my record, are not far behind if you ask me. What is it about me? Do they date me and I make them so crazy that they just pick up the next woman they see? Do I make them realize, that I am definitely not the kind of girl they want, so I make the next woman look magnificent? Now, I'm sure that's not the case, but when you're looking at it from where I sit. Uh...I'm lost.

I can admit that I am more of a person when I'm not with someone. I'm just finally figuring out who I am. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I think I'm on the right track, because I don't have someone I'm doting over all the time. However, I want companionship. I want a guy I can hug and who will hug me back. I want someone to cuddle with. I want someone to make happy, and that makes me happy at the same time. (Of course, I want the sex too. I mean I can't leave that out, right?!) But you know what I mean. When am I going to find it? I think I'm looking for it too hard. It's not coming in Japan, I'll tell you that much. All the good guys are already married. The so-so guys are all after the Japanese girls, or they're just assholes (Like Dan Carter. Can you tell he just recently pissed me off? Long story.) Or there are the single guys, where there is definitely a reason that they are single.

I need to get guys out of my mind. I need to get out and have fun. I need to meet people outside of the band. I need to go to school. I need to uh...I can list a million things that I need to do. I'm not going to get any of them done sitting at my computer. I'm gonna go chill out. I'm glad I have this journal to vent. I feel a lot better than when I started. I hope I didn't embarrass or make anyone mad. Like I said, I'm just telling it how I see it. There are three sides to every story, you know. My side, his side and the truth. Peace!